In this interview, Eartha is asked if she is willing to compromise in a relationship, particularly a romantic one with a man. When asked, she cocks her head back, lets out a laugh of absurdity, and snaps back.
“Stupid. A man comes into my life and I have to compromise? You must think about that one again.”
Another laugh.
“A man comes into my life and I have to compromise? For what? For what? For what? A relationship is a relationship that has to be earned, not to compromise for.”
The questions “for what? For what?” increase in intensity and swat back at the interviewer. The word “earned” is leaned into heavily, said with her throat and gut, more of a growl.
Compromise is a trait we have been taught to be essential for being in relationship with others, especially romantic. When I showed this video to certain people in my life, I mostly received the feedback that her response was narcissistic. I was also met with questions intent on taking a punch at her perspective, “Is she married? Divorced? Has she ever been?” – questions asked because the answer would be proof of how wrong she was because a man didn’t want her, couldn’t stay with her.
I said, “I didn’t know.”
The video and Eartha proceed.
“And I love relationships, I think they’re fantastically wonderful. I think they’re great. I think there’s nothing in the world more beautiful than falling in love. But falling in love for the right reasons. Falling in love for the right purpose. Falling in love. Falling in love.” In this second “falling in love”, Eartha’s chest stretches out which pulls her shoulders back and leaves her arms in a surrender. She has grown wings. Her eyes widen, and her neck is reaching and exposed, completely given over to falling in love.
“When you fall in love, what is there to compromise about?”
The interviewer responds gently, in sincere inquiry.
“Isn't love a union between two people? Or does Eartha fall in love with herself?”
Eartha, looking a bit playful, taking in the question, responds.
“If you want to think about it in terms of analyzing it, yes, I fall in love with myself, and I want someone to share it with me. I want someone to share me with me.”
Right here. This is it. My eyes fill with tears. “I fall in love with myself, and I want someone to share it with me. I want someone to share me with me.” In this phrase, I hear that Eartha’s love for herself, her loyalty to herself, to remain Eartha, whole, intact,uncompromised. She loves herself and wants someone who can inhabit that love fully and share that love with her.
Here’s the other half that I believe she left unsaid – the other half that gets missed when she’s called a narcissist.
The same way in which she asks to be loved, she will love you. She will not ask you to compromise. She wants you whole, all of you, uncompromisingly. She will fall in love with you and share you with you. This is love of wholeness and conviction of personhood – a respect for love and relationship that must be earned.
The interviewer asks his final question to Eartha, “has that happened?”
Eartha sees someone she knows, shouts across the yard, and waves with a smile, “Bye Wilund. Bye!” That same hand relaxes onto the back of her head and she answers, slowly, looking up to the sky, “Many times, in many ways.”